The S-Word

I still remember the way that condescending bitch of a woman spelled it out. How much, with each exaggerated syllable, I hated her and her unsolicited advice.


As in, it was a concept that I, on Amy’s first day of kindergarten, failing miserably to grasp, needed to embrace.

Like I needed reminding about the pain of letting go, even in little steps.

Maybe she’d mastered separation, shutting off the faucet of her own sorrow.

But not me, my emotions gushing out like my body was a broken water main.

So even now, with my girl at 18, I reject the concept of separation.

I need my daughter like I need oxygen.

It will be that way for as long as I live.

And this fall, once again, I will kiss her palm like I did that first day years ago, and close her fingers around that kiss for safe keeping. 

Feel that same pain as she big-steps away to college.

Just so she knows.

That word will damn sure never be part of my vocabulary.


“Because there’s nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it’s sent away.”
― Sarah Kay


11 thoughts on “The S-Word

  1. You are one heck of a feisty lady! That is the way to tackle the hard stuff, and I had enough trouble with son’s first day at school. I loved the way you spelled out ‘separation’. It really made an impact. LM x

  2. Thanks Lyssa! I worried that this was too feisty, but it was very heartfelt! I was so angry at the time…Letting Amy go off into the world will be the toughest, most painful thing I’ve done to date…it’s really bringing out my inner bitch;) xx

    • Thanks Vishal. You are so kind to leave these comments that make my day:) It’s incredibly appreciated! xx I will be by soon…I promise:) I’m just a little distracted at the moment, but still…I have not forgotten you:)

  3. I am right there with you, sister! To heck with separation! I may have to let my son go to school, but I don’t have to like it.

  4. your letting go is graceful and eloquent, and I’m happy that you’re finding words for it. Be angry, be feisty, be aware and know that it’s okay to feel all those feelings and to express them at will.

    the thing with separation is …that eventually things have to come back together. Your daughter is lucky to have a mom that brings her in like the tides.

    WOW. Tears and hugs and thank you for sharing it.

  5. Kir…even your comments are brilliant! Thanks so much for these words that so closely mirror what I tried saying that it leaves me speechless…I just love you…xoxoxo

  6. Your Amy is so lucky to have you for a mama. To love so hard and still be able to let go… it’s the thing that often defines parenting for me.

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