1. Drink rum.
2. Wear a bandana, preferably black.
3. Wear lots of jewelry. Hoop earrings a must.
4. Get a talking parrot.
5. Find a ship and assemble a crew.
6. Hoist the Jolly Roger.
It started with rum, but ended with the floor, and not in quite the way you might expect.
It’s just that it’s hard being held prisoner in an unwanted existence. Hard to come to grips with the fact that you have everything, yet nothing. Not even yourself. And more important than how it happened, or why, you find yourself wanting out in the worst way. And some days, any way out will do.
In her case, a fifth of Captain Morgan’s rum.
That first afternoon, when she started keeping company with the Captain, started looking long and hard at the label on the bottle, she was more than a little startled to realize how attractive she found him to be. How attractive she found the very notion of pirates to be, and her timbers-timbers she was soon going to realize she possessed-shivered at the thought.
By week’s end, so engaged was her skull and crossbone bandana-clad head in wondering about the merits of parrots as pets, and whether she looked better in gold or silver, and giving herself permission to order herself a pirate flag, that when a bewildered Frank (who said he did not know her anymore, and truthfully, never really did) asked her what she planned to do about dinner, she muttered scurvy dog under her breath and felt her true self emerge.
And by the end of two weeks, looking over the How to be a Pirate requirement list she’d found on the internet, she was pleased to see that her situation was well in hand. She didn’t have a crew yet, but they would come in time. (Rum and cokes with friends would be fun.) For now though, she would plan on sailing solo for awhile, and maybe, just maybe she might one day meet her pirate soul mate.
She looks at that flawless teak hardwood floor (the one the real estate agent had gushed on and on about-tremendous resale value and all) and she begins to build her dreams, seeing the potential for a ship, for escape-in each and every board.