I’m going to be brutally honest in this post.  Because it’s one of those kinds of days.  Where I am asking myself the big question.

In the George Bailey sense, what difference does it make that I am here?

Yeah, it scares the hell out me, to go there.  When I can’t seem to come up with an answer. When I measure my contribution, my worth, solely in a monetary sense and fall short, especially when I see precious others working their asses off just to keep their heads above water. 

What difference do I make?  My daughter doesn’t need me so much any more, I am not an other halfNor am I, to be brutally honest again, indispensable in anyone’s life.  I know this as well.  You have to need yourself, and even more than that, love yourself.  If only I had a quarter for every time I heard that.  And I do, most of the time.  But today it isn’t enough. 

So I don’t know.  At least not yet.  But I believe with all of my heart that my life has a yet to be God revealed purpose.  I have to.  Or the world would not have missed George Bailey.

10 thoughts on “Confession

  1. Oh dear one, I understand those days when the idea to love yourself just isn’t enough. Know that I carry you with me, even though I am not as in touch as I could be. Sending you love and letting you know I see your honest words here and I appreciate you. oxox.

  2. None of us are indispensable. Even those of us who have purpose or strive for purpose–some days you open your eyes and wonder how it can be so dark when the sun is out, other days you find some kind of God meaning in the way the light hits the pillow as you wake. I am always thrilled to see the way you string your words together, to listen to them sing and dance across the page. Perhaps on some of the bleak days, that can be purpose enough.

  3. My dear Valerie, we all have those days. I have them, too. Just know that you are a daughter of God and therefore the worth of your soul is great. You do have a divine purpose…you really do. You’ve had it all along. Though you won’t always be able to recognize all the good you’ve done, you’ve done more than you know. But Heavenly Father knows what you’ve done and what you will do. Hold onto that thought, because He loves you and often that is what gets me through. Hugs my dear friend! ❤

  4. Your words reflect pain. I understand your point and at the same time agree with the view of Dina Honour that no one is indispensable.

    But we – your readers eagerly wait for every word of yours. I’m not sure how many of us follow you so regularly, still I think that matters most. We need you, and do please keep writing for us.

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