Skulls and Crosses

A worn out pencil box.  Second-life living after lead and paste and pink pearl. I don’t remember where I kept it hidden.  That memory is lost, like so many others.  I am just thankful that I recalled the memory of the pencil box at all.

Like pirate treasure, it held my meaningful things.  Scraps of Christmas wrapping paper.  A thread from an outgrown coat. Tiny matchstick bird bones.  A tooth of mine. Some dried up pomegranate seeds. A sticky spit out and wrapped back up in its original cellophane piece of candy, given to me by my beloved uncle.  Nothing of any value.  Nothing that made much sense to save.  Except to me.  In a heaven and earth kind of way.  Even if I didn’t quite understand why.

~

I am not that long ago talking to my best friend, sobbing into my phone.  She is waiting patiently for me to get to the point of composure, so that I might try to explain this place of hurting where I find myself. She is waiting to tell me what I already know, what I was already coming to know when I was little, even if I didn’t quite understand why.

~

Those meaningful things. 

Earth and heaven pieces of yourself that define you, ground you, make you shine, make you whole.  Pieces of yourself that you cannot ever lose.  No matter what changes roll by in the scenery of your life.

Crosses and skulls. 

Always.

They are mine.  They are mine.

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Hold Fast

In spite of simulated water, you cast your anchor anyway, trying to find something to hang on to. Hitting bottom, dragging dust, you faced the sky and watched as close to weeping clouds drifted by, and wished that you were up there with them.  And all the while, the grass brittled, and turned brown.

Then at that point of just beyond brave, and before losing hope, of questioning darkness and weary of dreaming, in the midst of the night, on that brittle brown grass, it rained.

Stay

Send me some more days

of same old safe.

Where time suspends

this security, though loosely stitched.

To set my sense of self,

until I snip the strings.

Hush, Hush, My Baby, Hush, Hush

I wish you could know, someday, but you won’t.

Why when each time I saw you, I always had to kiss you, leave my mark on you of Voodoo or Rose Diamond.

How I loved you so much I had to break your beautiful heart, give you up.

Preventing an apocalypse.

To save the rest of you.